Happiness is a Choice

Lots of people believe happiness is a choice.  Me, too.  I think it is sometimes a hard choice, but it is still a choice.  So how do I choose it when I don't want to?  sigh ....

Honestly, I think it is an accidental choice much of the time.  Someday maybe I will be good enough, smart enough and wise enough to always make it a conscious choice.  For instance:

Yesterday I discovered that I had made a terrible error on the projected budget for work.  A really big one.  Big enough to create a real train crash for my program.  At first, I couldn't even accept it.  Then I was angry with myself.  Then I was at a loss what to do.  Then I closed all the doors, turned off the light in my office, and prayed.  I simply said, what shall I do?  Then I had a few great ideas.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could actually hear a voice different than our own telling us the answers to our questions?  But no.  We hear our own voice.  We think of something that makes pretty good sense, and we say "I had an idea"   Anyway,  I went with my idea and got some relief from the knot in the stomach... enough to go home and give Sarah a perm without being nervous or preoccupied with other things.  In fact, we had a nice time together.  We laughed and had fun.

Later on, I was asking God again for more ideas about "the problem"   Then I had another idea.  I thought I should thank Him for the first one.  What??? It wasn't MY idea?  oops, guess not.  So I did that.  I thanked Him and told Him I was sorry that I had taken credit for the solutions.   The next thought I had was I should thank Him for the problem and especially for the circumstance that led up to discovering it.  I hadn't even thought that perhaps He was blessing me from the beginning of the day to FIND my error.  I had no clue there was an error.  But I did find it, not expecting it.  So I had to admit that was also inspiration and a great blessing.  I needed to know!  And I didn't know what I needed to know or that I even needed to know anything.  I, naturally, thought I knew it all .... I usually do.

So at that point I thanked Him for leading me to discover my big blooper in the first place and then to take away the anxiety surrounding it long enough to help Sarah have a good afternoon getting her curly locks, to boot.

That made me happy.  The problem is still there.  I have more ideas and I know they are not all mine. I am thankful for the knowledge that a higher power is aware of me and getting me through one day at a time in spite of my own pride and willfulness and sometimes, downright stupidity!

That makes me happy.

I doubt I will be happier when I actually resolve the problem.  Relieved perhaps.  But happiness is something else.  It is a sense of well being, and that comes from knowing you are right with the Lord.  And THAT is a choice.

Mom